I like to blame things to human nature. The alternative is admitting that I am flaky and that goes against human nature in it's own right, right?
Isn't it strange that one of the reasons people get hurt the most is that they trust people who fail and that they have expectations out of fallible situations and people? Yet, a person gets hurt by a loved one (family member, friend, significant other) and in a little while longer, doesn't that same person forgive or goes looking for or allows a new such relationship to recur? Why don't we lose all hope and trust in all of human nature when we know humans let us down the same way we let others down? Why don't we lose trust in others like we so readily, sometimes, lose trust in God?
Isn't it strange that we can say we believe in a God, who has done such a demonstration of love as is giving His one and only Son to die a horrible death for our sakes, and yet we have trouble trusting Him? We have trouble sometimes by second guessing the goodness of his intentions?
We are absolutely willing to trust people who fail constantly with things like kids, money, posessions and happiness. YET, we have a God that has not failed us ever, and we continually fail to trust Him? Even after He made a clear statement of love in the action of offering His Son as a sacrifice for us?
God has never let me down. If anything, I have let Him down a bunch. Even when I have ignored or forgotten our relationship or put it on a second plane, He has continually made an effort to be there and bring me closer. He provides for all my needs: emotional, spiritual and physical. He really does, if I look around and think about the awesome things that have come about in my life, I cannot arrive to a better conclusion. Yet, sometimes, even shortly after He has shown how much He cares, I find myself wondering what is He thinking now, why am I in this or that or why didn't this or that happen or... over little things eve. At the same time, I am willing to let people who have violated my trust multiple times to have a second chance.
As part of putting God first, we need to learn to trust God. We need to stop wondering about his intentions when his handiwork is not in clear harmony with our desires. We need to trust that He knows better and He has our best interest at heart and this is hard and heart-wrenching and uncomfortable.
The last 8 months of my life have been pretty amazing (to me at least). Some events have been easy, happy and enjoyable. Some events have been tough, frustrating and painful. All events have been 100% God's provision and I am a better person for the amazing journey they make up collectively and individually.