Public Restroom ethics and Contradictions

It has been bothering me for a couple of weeks this matter of public restrooms. To begin with, the whole process of eliminating body waste is weird. It is quite silly that there are orifices in our body that when exposed let out stuff that while perfectly fine or perceptually clean inside is absolutely gross once it is out. It is also very strange that while draining other liquids in the body through other orifices is not acceptable in public spaces (think mucus, saliva, sweat), somehow it is normal to free up poop and urine out of the body even multiple times a day in a very casual manner. Some people even talk while visiting John in the porcelain throne.

As if this was not odd enough, it is somehow not ok to be naked or exposed in front of others, but isn't it silly that it is ok to uncover part of your most private privates in a space considered public, where your only separation from others is 3 walls less than an inch thick? Then, the air is shared, so that while you sit there in you supposed isolation the air you breathe mixes with the air someone else released? Or how about all the people that sprinkle when they tinkle and did so before you went there? Even worse, if they are neat and wipe the seat, you will not know but residue and bacteria of others' liquids might share in with some of your own or your own body if you seat (the thin paper cover is not water-proof).

This brings me to my next point. Public Restrooms are weird enough as they are, by definition so you should learn your Public restroom ethics. I cannot tell you how many people I encounter day after day during my visits to the restroom that do not understand how awkward it is to be in the restroom with others. As if going to the restroom was not enough, going while there's others around listening to the free flow or wild explosions is enough to be busy not thinking about to also have to stare at someone's shoes. Shoes, the constant reminder that the wall is less than an inch thick and someone's filthy air is mixing with the air you breath. It would all be better if we all followed some simple rules:
1. If there is a splash, go out come back later, Mary does not want to create a show and you do not want to be near Mary.
2. If a stall is taken when you go into the restroom, it is NOT ok to create a splash. Yes it is a natual activity and all that, but the mere akwardness of exposing not half of your body but just the bottom section should indicate this experience should not be shared.
3. If you must go now and you recognize my shoes, please go on another floor so I don't have to think about this everytime you shake someone's hand or I have to touch your computer.
4. If you wear tampons do not shake anyone's hands, touch the locks, touch the faucet or even the restroom door. You hands are banned for no more than 7 days to prevent the ever disgusting ever present random red marks on the stall doors near lunch time.
5. If you violated rule number 4, do not wipe your mark, leave it as a warning to the poor souls coming after you.
6. There should be, at all times, one stall between you and the nearest person to you.
7. If the only bathroom mirror is in front of some stalls, you cannot look at yourself longer than 15 seconds somone might be about to explode waiting for you to move.